


Honkyuu!

by Mother_of_Eevees



Category: Haikyuu!!, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, honk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-22 09:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21074039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_of_Eevees/pseuds/Mother_of_Eevees
Summary: It is a lovely afternoon in Miyagi, and you are a horrible goose.





	Honkyuu!

To do

  * Get into the gym
  * Knock over a ball cart
  * Lock someone in the storage room
  * Change the score
  * Steal Takeda’s notebook
  * Make the net fall

As the last bell rang, Kageyama picked up his bag and headed to practice. On the way, he stopped at the vending machine for some milk. He put his bag down, reached into his pocket for a 100-yen coin, put it in the machine and made his selection. The button glowed red as he pushed it and Kageyama grimaced. He pushed the coin return, took his coin and turned to the next machine. This time it was successful and a carton of milk appeared in the slot. 

While the setter was distracted, a small, rotund figure observed him from around the corner. As he was getting his money back and moving to the next machine, it waddled behind him, nudged the flap of his bag and climbed in.

Kageyama finished his milk and turned back to pick up his bag. It felt a bit heavier than it did when he first picked it up, but he ignored that, as he had just spotted Hinata on his way to the gym. He picked up his pace to a jog so as to beat Hinata to the gym. A soft “honk” came from the bag as the goose was jostled about. 

“Hah! I win, Hinata boke,” Kageyama said as he reached the door of the gym and pulled it open.

“Not fair! I was helping Yachi with putting up posters for the team, so it doesn’t count,” grumbled Hinata, toeing off his shoes. “Besides, I’m the first in the gym,” he cried, slipping on his volleyball shoes and running inside. Kageyama growled in frustration, put his bag down and headed into the gym, leaving the door ajar behind him. The goose waited, then poked its head out of the bag; satisfied that nobody was watching, it left the bag and waddled up the stairs to the gym.

Inside, the first years were putting up the net for practice. The storage room was open and some of the second years had rolled out the ball carts. The goose waddled up behind a tall, dark-haired first year who was tying a strap on the net. 

“Honk!”

The boy looked around, confused. He looked over to his friend, a bespectacled blond first-year with headphones on who was tying the straps on the other end of the net. “Tsukki, did you hear something?” 

Tsukishima looked at him, shrugged, tapped his headphones, and continued with his task. Yamaguchi sighed and prepared to tie another strap. “Honk!”

There it was again! Yamaguchi looked around, but still didn’t see anything. He glanced over at Tsukishima, who had finished tying his side of the net and had gone to the sidelines to finish putting his kneepads and shoes on. Yamaguchi turned back to the net.

“Honk! Honk!”

He looked around, still not seeing anything. The goose had moved behind a ball cart. 

“Yamaguchi! Get your gear on and start warming up!” Sugawara called from the door. Yamaguchi quickly tied a loose bow on the net strap and headed to his bag to get ready for practice. 

The goose waddled over to a bag and grabbed a kneepad, carried it to the storage room and dropped it on the floor. It went back to the bag and grabbed the other kneepad, heading toward the storage room, when Asahi spotted it. 

“Hey there, what are you doing?” he asked. The goose ignored him and continued towards the room. “Why did you take my kneepad? I need that for practice.” He started to follow the goose, which changed direction to avoid him. “Gachou-san! Drop the kneepad, please!” The goose ignored him and widened the distance between them. Asashi frowned, but followed it, softly calling the goose and repeating his request, until he found himself in the storage room. The goose had dropped the kneepad just inside the door and retreated to the shadows, watching Asahi with beady eyes.

Asahi picked up the kneepad and brushed it off. “What a naughty gachou-san! And there’s my other kneepad. What have you been up to?” As he bent over, the goose waddled behind him and let out a loud “HONK.” Asahi yelped in surprise, lost his balance and fell over. The goose quickly waddled out of the room and pushed the door shut with its beak. As he fell, Asahi had managed to get tangled in a spare net. While he tried to untangle himself, the goose waddled over to one of the ball carts. As it dragged the cart over to the door, a wheel caught on the edge of a gym bag and the cart tipped over, sending volleyballs bouncing around the gym. 

Just then, Sawamura Daichi and the coaches came into the gym. “What’s going on here? Tanaka, Ennoshita, let’s get these volleyballs back in the cart so we can start practice.” The second-years righted the cart and quickly gathered up the volleyballs.

“What’s that pounding?” said Tanaka. “It’s coming from the supply room,” replied Ennoshita, turning and unlocking the door. A distressed Asahi burst out, looking wildly from side to side. “Is it safe? Is it gone?”

“Whoa, big guy, what are you talking about?” said Tanaka, guiding the team’s ace away from the supply room.

“There was a goose in the gym! He stole my kneepads, and when I found them, he trapped me in the supply room!”

“I haven’t seen a goose in here, has anyone else?” Tanaka replied, looking around to the other team members. They all shook their heads, though Yamaguchi had a thoughtful look on his face.

“Geese are evil,” said Sugawara darkly. “But! I don’t see any geese in here, so if everyone’s ready, let’s get started.”

Asahi was still rattled from being locked in the closet, but he was first up to serve. He bounced the ball several times to calm himself, then tossed it into the air and prepared to hit it. Just before he swung…

“Honk!”  
While he still managed to hit the ball, it went into the net. “Don’t mind, don’t mind,” said Sugawara encouragingly, and the game continued.

A few minutes later, Kageyama came up to serve. He sent a powerful jump serve to the other side. Ennoshita was in perfect position to receive, but when he heard a “Honk!” behind him, his body shifted just enough so that the ball went flying to the side and out of bounds. “Sorry!” he shouted. 

The game progressed, though it seemed that more serves than usual went into the net, and more receives went just slightly awry than normal. 

“Is it me, or is there a lot of honking today?” wondered Hinata, during a water break. Asahi looked around and shuddered. Hinata glanced over at the scoreboard and said “Hey, I thought we had more points than that!” Yachi turned to look. “You’re right! S-s-sorry! I don’t know what happened!” The numbers were askew, as if a somewhat clumsy tool, like a beak, had been used to flip them.

Practice time was almost over. “Okay, last point!” Coach Ukai shouted. Asahi served, Daichi got the first hit and sent it to Kageyama. Hinata went into his runup for a quick, Kageyama set to him, but just as Hinata started to jump, he heard a “HONK! HONK!” Distracted, he turned and collided with the net, which had been starting to sag because of all the missed serves and Yamaguchi’s distraction while setting it up. It came untied and as Hinata landed, it draped over him. He was still looking for the source of the noise and got tangled up. 

As everyone started shouting and running toward him, the goose waddled over to the sidelines and picked up Takeda-sensei’s notebook. It observed the chaos it had caused with satisfaction and headed for the door, stopping briefly to peck at a gym bag, then resumed its stately progress and left the gym unnoticed.

Some minutes later, Hinata was untangled and unharmed. 

“All right, everyone, I think that’s enough for today,” said Daichi. “Let’s clean this up and go get some meat buns - my treat!”

“What is that? Do you hear piano music somewhere?” The team fell quiet and triumphant piano chords could be heard faintly. Tsukishima tilted his head and walked over to his bag. “Huh. Somehow my headphones got switched on. I could’ve sworn I turned them off.”

The goose left the notebook in the grass and waddled away. Takeda found it just before the sprinklers went on and it was only slightly damp.

To do

  * <del>Get into the gym</del>
  * <del>Knock over a ball cart</del>
  * <del>Lock someone in the storage room</del>
  * <del>Change the score</del>
  * <del>Steal Takeda’s notebook</del>
  * <del>Make the net fall</del>
  * <del>Turn on Tsukishima's headphones</del>

**Author's Note:**

> Gachou means “goose” in Japanese, at least that's what the internet tells me.
> 
> Turning on Tsukishima’s headphones was the bonus quest.
> 
> Make your own to do list here: https://untitled-goose-meme.glitch.me/
> 
> Special thanks to killer_squids for helping me brainstorm tasks for the goose and for encouraging me in this madness. Happy birthday!
> 
> I have some ideas for the goose to visit the Golden Week training camp. Let me know if I should write a sequel.
> 
> I’m on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Infogal.).


End file.
